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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 8, 2014 22:04:34 GMT -5
Totally corny but easy to remember
How do you get a fat chick into bed?
Piece of cake!
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 13, 2014 21:32:57 GMT -5
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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abn82
New Member
Posts: 42 
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Post by abn82 on Jan 13, 2014 23:01:50 GMT -5
This is just totally stupid but it still works.
Do you know why you will never see another Full Moon again?
The astronauts brought some of it back with them.
I told you it was stupid.
Keith
I go from 0 - 185 in 6 seconds
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 14, 2014 9:17:09 GMT -5
An elderly couple, in their 80's, went to a sex therapist's office and asks the doctor to watch them have sex. The doc is so amazed at such an elderly couple wanting sexual advise that he agrees. After watching them, the doc says, "There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have sex." He charges them $50 and they go on their way. The couple returns the next week and again asked the doc to watch them have sex. After several weeks of this, the doc finally asked the couple what they wanted him to find out. The old man replies, We're not trying to find out anything. I'm married, so we can't go to my house, she's married so we can't go to her house. The Holiday Inn charges $98, the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50 and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving me with only $7 to pay and since you are a doctor, it's confidential!!!"
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 16, 2014 9:47:59 GMT -5
President Obama was visiting one of our top hospitals, and during his tour of the floors he passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.
"Oh my god!", said the President, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"
The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry Mr, President, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."
"Oh, I am sorry" said the President.
On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a blow job.
"Oh my God", said the President, "What's happening in there?"
The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."
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Post by terminalbeard on Jan 16, 2014 11:14:10 GMT -5
Why do Jewish women prefer circumcised men?
Because they don't want anything unless it is at least 25% off.
How do you get a Jewish women to stop having sex?
Marry her...
There once was a man named McGruder who met a nude and he wooed her. She thought it was crude to be wooed in the nude but McGruder was shrewd and he screwed her.
There once was a man from Madras who's balls were made out of brass, when he rubbed them together they played stormy weather and lightening shot out of his ass.
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 16, 2014 11:28:21 GMT -5
Nice ones!
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abn82
New Member
Posts: 42
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Post by abn82 on Jan 16, 2014 11:54:40 GMT -5
The jokes are working. Here is something I remember from an old Andrew Dice Clay show.
Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter.
Jill came down with two fifty, oh! That fuckin whore!
Edit - looks like we do not have to get creative on our language to beat the censor!!!
Thanks Buddy for treating us as adults here.
Keith
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 17, 2014 11:49:13 GMT -5
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man, Chunks is my dog.
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Post by terminalbeard on Jan 22, 2014 23:10:06 GMT -5
Two men were walking through a field when they came upon a large hole in the ground. Wanting to see how deep the hole was they threw an anvil down the hole. They could not hear it hit the bottom. Just then a goat came running by and jumped into the hole. The men were very surprised and could not figure out why the goat would jump into the hole. After a few minutes they heard a farmer calling out, "Becky, Becky?" When he came up to the men he asked them if they had seen his goat. Why yes said the men we just saw a goat running here and jumped into this hole. That is impossible said the farmer, I had her tied to an anvil....
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 23, 2014 16:34:47 GMT -5
Good one! Here you go
What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
Your wife will always blow your bonus!
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 24, 2014 13:15:47 GMT -5
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
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Post by granmaestro on Jan 24, 2014 19:48:20 GMT -5
Typical macho man married typical good-looking woman and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any complaints from you. I want a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my friends. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said; "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 26, 2014 23:07:29 GMT -5
An American guy walks into a pub in England and there are two overweight women sitting at the bar talking and drinking. They have pretty heavy accents so he asks.....
"Are you two ladies from Ireland?"
One of the ladies turns to him and says "It's Wales you idiot!"
He replies, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?"
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Post by Buddyg forum founder on Jan 28, 2014 14:12:00 GMT -5
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”
“I don’t think I have ever heard of that one,” said the other cowboy. “What is it?”
“Well, it’s where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup one of her breasts in each hand and whisper in her ear, ‘Boy, these feel just like your sister’s.’ Then you try and stay on for eight seconds!”
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